I’ve been meaning to write a post (and answer comments) for a long time now, and life keeps getting in the way. I suppose that’s a good thing — I’m busy because I can be. On the other hand, I’m also busy because I still need more sleep and time to care for myself than I’d like, keeping to the routine in my treatment plan is time consuming.
I think the biggest change is that I am no longer fighting the wrong thing. I relapsed, and I spent weeks fighting the wrong thing. I wanted to punch something … the lyme disease … but I couldn’t get to it, I couldn’t pick it up and squish it between my fingers and feel it pop and die. I couldn’t burn it and watch it shrivel up. I couldn’t do any of those things.
Eventually I worked my way around to fighting for quality of life again. Amazing how much less glum that is. The switch is so clearly mental — from one day to the next things were just better thanks to a different perspective. Now things are also getting better in general. I have my ups and downs, my out of breath stair hikes and dizzy moments where the back of my mind is wondering whether I will fall over before the dizzy passes. Sometimes even a headache or tender lymph nodes. My memory is like a sieve. But in general, I’m doing more again. Biking more, walking more, gardening, and when I can’t do that doing all the other things I love. So my verdict on the treatment plan? Whether it was spiritual or physical parts of it that worked best I don’t know, but it worked.
Meanwhile, things have been harder with the kids. My daughter was getting worse and worse and eventually we had to stop the meds entirely. She is recovering now, and indeed the meds (or the psychology of taking the meds) always seemed to me to be part of the problem. Emotionally she is still quite fragile, unlike her former self. As always, I have more questions than answers about her health and what the right path forward is. My son is doing great. He’s got a wonderful routine with his medication taking and seems to have figured out exactly what to do mentally to manage all of this. His health is still off — a cold we all shared a few weeks ago has turned into a chronic postnasal drip in him, with the same cough he sported last fall. With all the supplements and immune boosters we have him on, I’m amazed he didn’t bounce back from this quickly. But aside from the pesky cough, he seems more than fine.
So we’re heading into summer from a place of relative calm. I guess given everything we’ve been through that’s not too bad a place to be.