Well I thought I’d done a pretty good job of reaching equilibrium. I even did a pro-con spreadsheet to see if I could make a decision about what I should do in the fall. I considered factors like how much travel is required, stress, flexibility, impact on the world, impact on my family, and so on. I even threw in some straw men — work full time (which may or may not be possible) and change careers. They didn’t score high, but way at the top of the list was to continue as I am now, with the hope that things will improve sufficiently quickly that I can go back to full time in the Spring (or follow a plan that seemed almost as appealing — negotiate for and move to a part time position when I need to). Suddenly my indecision and worries seemed silly.
Funny then, that I woke up at 3:30 this morning and haven’t been able to get back to sleep. What has been occupying my mind? Questions about the implications of a part time position. Silly, I know. I think the limbo thing is bigger than it seems — I’m a person who wants to take action.
Finally I had the brains to give up on sleep and move on to doing something meaningful that I care about and came down stairs to work. I haven’t had the guts to try to do yoga yet today — it requires such effort to clear my mind in this state.